Becoming a Father
If you just got the news that your partner is pregnant, chances are that you're experiencing a rush of emotions. Maybe it's all happiness and excitement. But the reality is that for many
If you feel shocked, panicked, overwhelmed, scared, or like you're just not ready for this, you're not alone. Like any major life change, this is going to require a major adjustment. And if the pregnancy wasn't planned - half of all pregnancies aren't - you may be feeling these emotions in an even more intense way.
You don't have to feel guilty or anxious about having these mixed emotions; it's completely normal. Although you can't prevent these feelings, there are steps you can take to get more comfortable with the pregnancy, the idea of parenthood, and the preparations that can make both go as smoothly as possible.
Sweating the Details
Fatherhood can be particularly daunting at the beginning of the pregnancy. Maybe every time you think about it, the worst-case scenario pops to mind.
Here are a few of the details that you may be sweating right off the bat, and a few ideas to help keep things in perspective.
Will I be able to care for a baby?
No one is born knowing this stuff - not even your pregnant partner - that's why there are change a diaper, hold the baby, burp the baby, put the baby to install a car seat, and sex during pregnancy, as long as the pregnancy is considered low risk for complications of miscarriage or preterm labor. It's a good idea to talk to your doctor, nurse-midwife, or other health care provider about any risks that may be relevant to you and your partner. You don't have to feel embarrassed about asking these questions; these health care providers are used to fielding them. As with any other aspect of pregnancy, it's important for you and your partner to speak openly about what feels right for each of you.
Of course, just because sex is safe during pregnancy doesn't mean you and your partner will want to have it. Many couples find that their sex drive - and comfort level - fluctuates during the different stages of pregnancy as both of them get used to all of the changes. Again, it's important to keep the lines of communication open.
How am I going to get through labor?
As far as the gross-out factor goes, there's no rule that says that you must be there to catch the baby when he or she emerges, cut the umbilical cord, or even be in the delivery room. In fact, in childbirth classes, you'll likely learn about massage and pain-management techniques where you can stand with your partner at her head and shoulders while she is pushing. As you learn about this, it's a good idea to talk to your partner about what you each feel comfortable with.
It's common to fear fainting, but the truth is that few men do. In fact, many men come out of it thinking that there's much less blood in the process than they expected!
People may say that "the woman does all the work" of giving birth to the baby, but you, as the partner, still have some crucial parts to play in the process. Your partner will need someone to look out for her interests and needs. Long before the baby's expected due date, it's important to discuss your partner's preferences for any birth defects and other Barbara P. Homeier, MD
Date reviewed: May 2005